Quotes

"So, um, are you still... 'grrrrrr' ?" [inquiring as to Angel's vamp status] City of

"But you're not evil, right? I mean, you're not here to, y'know, bite people?" [ensuring her safety] City of

"I finally get invited to a nice place with no mirrors and lots of curtains. Hey, you're a vampire!" [seeing the truth] City of

"I'm from Sunnydale, we had our own Hellmouth! I think I know a vampire when I am... all alone with him in his fortress-like home..." [oops!] City of

"A cockroach in the corner! I'd say it's a bantamweight!" [spying creepy crawlies in the office] City of

"Hi! Being harassed by someone or something? Dial us up, day or night!" [canvasing the club] Lonely Hearts

"If that was my gift, I'd return it." [re: Doyle's visions] Lonely Hearts

"Hey, the last thing I want is to show up at the office and find that I'm working for a homicidal monster." [keeping Angel soul-having] Lonely Hearts

"You promise you'll stay good?" [wary of inviting Angel in] Lonely Hearts

"It's a donkey? We didn't see any donkey demons." [re: the burro(wer)] Lonely Hearts

"But she has to pay. Invoice! That's the rule of our whole, like, society." [unable to conceive of not being paid] In the Dark

"And an alternate universe in which you're Matthew McConaughey!" [what's needed for a cruise with Doyle] In the Dark

"Oh, this is Doyle. He (air quote) 'works' here." [introducing him to Oz] In the Dark

"Then what's his name supposed to...? Oh." [re: Frankie Tripod] In the Dark

"This is not a needle in a haystack; this is a needle in Kansas!" [looking for the ring] In the Dark

"Last week's coffee. Think of it as espresso!" [after Angel's reaction to the drink] In the Dark

"Then get over it! I mean that in a sensitive way." [helping Angel with his discomfort in asking for money] In the Dark

"You're a lot smarter than you look! Of course, you look like a retard..." [impressed by Doyle] In the Dark

"What a fun date you must have been back in your bad vamp days." [bored by Angel] In the Dark

"Yeah, it was a great audition! I was all about things leaking." [re: her failed garbage bag commercial audition] Rm w/a Vu

"Well stranger things have happened. No, wait, they really haven't." [re: Doyle's offer of a night together] Rm w/a Vu

"Not that you were the last resort, it's just that I have nowehere else left to go." [moving in with Angel] Rm w/a Vu

"I never smell! I didn't know I could." [bemoaning her situation] Rm w/a Vu

"You can just dump my stuff on your couch, or let me have the bed, whatever you feel good about. Also, my suitcase is still out in the hall." [getting Angel to help her move her stuff in] Rm w/a Vu

"Do you have mousse? Of course you do." [to Angel] Rm w/a Vu

"Angel, at some point in recent history, you got peanut butter on the bed." [shifting the blame] Rm w/a Vu

"Yeah, it was a rough ceremony." [why her diploma's singed] Rm w/a Vu

"And my urination just hasn't been public enough lately." [re: the cult's too visible toilet] Rm w/a Vu

"Little old lady ghost. Probably hanging around 'cause she thinks she left the iron on." [trying to belittle the ghost threat] Rm w/a Vu

"How come Patrick Swayze's never dead when you need him?" [wishing her ghost was from Ghost] Rm w/a Vu

"I'm a bitch." [coming to her senses] Rm w/a Vu

"I'm not a sniveling, whiny little cry-Buffy. I'm the nastiest girl in Sunnydale history. I take crap from no-one!" [standing up to her ghost] Rm w/a Vu

"I knew I didn't like that wall." [when a skeleton is revealed inside it] Rm w/a Vu

"Does giant tentacle spew come out with dry cleaning?" [worrying about her clothing] Sense and Sensitivity

"Anyone for vomit?" [repulsed by Angel and Kate's display of emotions] Sense and Sensitivity

"As if I wasn't confused enough, Doyle comes along and rescues me like some badly dressed superhero." [telling Angel about her night] The Bachelor Party

"Bachelor party? Why, is he afraid he ordered too much beer?" [re: Richard inviting Doyle] The Bachelor Party

"Are you sure he wasn't just held back and used that as a cover story?" [re: Doyle teaching third grade] The Bachelor Party

"Are you gonna become Loser Pining Guy like full time now? Cause you know we already have one of those around the office." [insulting both guys at once] The Bachelor Party

"I think it, I say it. It's my way." [her life philosophy] The Bachelor Party

"You have so much to learn, little Irish man." [when Doyle suggests Angel might be over Buffy] I Will Remember You

"Yeah, there's a lot of that when they're together." [Buffy looks a little hurt] I Will Remember You

"What happened? Did you 'do it' with Buffy? Watch it Doyle, don't get too close." [worried Angel's evil again] I Will Remember You

"Look out, he's gonna eat... everything in sight." [realizing Angel's not after her, but food - and lots of it!] I Will Remember You

"Oh please. They have the forbidden love of all time. They've been apart for months. Now he's suddenly human. I'm sure they're down there just having tea and crackers." [re: Angel and Buffy] I Will Remember You

"We need someone who's average, run-of-the-mill, ordinary... You're perfect!" [recruiting Doyle for the commercial] Hero

"Whoever you saw just now, did they look like they could afford to pay?" [after Doyle's vision] Hero

"I rejected you way before now!" [re: Doyle's fear that she would reject him if she knew he was a demon] Hero

"What do you think I am? Superficial? I mean, you're half-demon, that is so far down the list. Way under short, and poor..." [encouraging Doyle again] Hero

"Don't you think he should've?" [Doyle, having a special coffee cup] Parting Gifts

"Why couldn't it have been mono, or herpes?" [re: what Doyle gave her with his last kiss] Parting Gifts

"Wow! What's a rogue demon?" [upon learning Wesley is a rogue demon hunter now] Parting Gifts

"He's a good cook for someone on a liquid diet." [re: Angel] Parting Gifts

"Yeah, well, nobody gouged out my eyes, so I'm happy." [re: the events of Parting Gifts] Somnambulist

"Nobody. And Wesley." [the people she was speaking to, respectively] Somnambulist

"They looked pretty comfortable to me." [re: Angel's 'uncomfortable proximity' to Buffy] Somnambulist

"That's okay. I don't know what that meant." [when Wes apologizes for a comment] Somnambulist

"And now I look like the Joker." [after a mishap with her lipstick] Expecting

"You know how parties are. You're always worried that no one's going to suck the energy out of the room like a giant black hole of despair. But their you were..." [to Angel] She

"Well this is great! Now we're really - do I have to take a pay cut? - a team!" [re: Wesley being recruited by Angel] She

"No one could have said 'demon poo' before I touched it." [after handling a bottle of Ethros excretion] I've Got You Under My Skin

"Hi, I'm Cordelia! Sorry about the possession and everything." [greeting the troubled couple] I've Got You Under My Skin

"I don't know. How about... 'Demon Database'." [what she would call a demon database] The Ring

"Fine line if you ask me." [re: lawyers and demons] The Ring

"If anyone is wearing a push-up bra it's... Angel!" [Angel interrupts her argument with Wesley] The Ring

"Well couldn't they have just done West Side Story?" [re: the revival of Octavian ring matches] The Ring

"Well actually, didn't we set a bunch of demons free?" [setting the captives free?] The Ring

"Oh my God! What was she like?" [after Angel gets hit by a car saving Rebecca Lowell's life] Eternity

"That's my elbow!" [excited about her picture in the paper] Eternity

"We have to use this now before she's just another E! True Hollywood Story!" [re: Rebecca's fame, and their publicity] Eternity

"Are you insane? Atchoo!" [covering up her eavesdropping] Eternity

"You'd have to get awfully close to her for that to kick in." [re: Angel's curse] Eternity

"Evil Angel never would've worn those pants." [recognizing he hasn't turned bad] Eternity

"I think it was the trying to murder her that lost you the gig." [re: the loss of Rebecca as a client] Eternity

"Someone with that much body art is gonna have a different definition of civic duty." [re: Angel's latest cause - a street punk who needs to testify] Five by Five

"No, it's not about the money. Oh, it's about that much money! How soon can we meet?" [on the phone to a client] Five by Five

"For Faith, that is charm." [beating up a cop with his own handcuffs] Five by Five

"Well, if it's any consolation, it really does look like you were tortured by a much larger woman." [to Wesley] Sanctuary

"Did someone find out you were a big nerd?" [guessing at the subject of David's blackmail problem] War Zone

"I like 'David' - it's such a strong, masculine name. It just, feels good in your mouth." [flustered] War Zone

"I don't think it's air either." [re: the 'salt air' smell not being salt] War Zone

"But, not the trying to kill your friends and family part, right? Just checking..." [re: Angel missing that 'clarity' from when he was evil] Blind Date

"We just figured you were dead." [when Lindsey says he hopes his lateness didn't worry anyone] Blind Date

"Is this that opportune time to talk about my raise?" [after Angel learns he will die] To Shanshu in LA

"Yeah, but Angel faces death all the time, just like a normal guy faces waffles and French fries. It's something he faces every day like... lunch. Are you hungry?" [to Wesley] To Shanshu in LA

"Don't be embarrassed. We're family." [giving Angel a glass of blood] To Shanshu in LA

"Typical. I hook up with the only person in LA who came here to get older." [learning that Angel will become human] To Shanshu in LA

"It's about reachin' out to people, showin' 'em that's there's love an' hope still left in this world. [To beggar:] Get a job ya lazy sow." [heartfelt words] City of

"Have you looked in the mirror lately? I guess you really haven't, no..." [on why women would talk to Angel] City of

"That's a... good gate." [unable to bust through it] City of

"She's got a very... humanizin' influence." [re: Cordy] City of

"Ah, yeah, she's a stiffener all right, I can't lie about that." [re: Cordy] City of

"Well, yeah, I was gonna say 'slacker', but yeah to you Mr Obvious..." [sitting in the dark like a... vampire?] Lonely Hearts

"Well, perfect! That should make it easier!" [Angel doesn't know Doyle well enough to hype him up for Cordy] Lonely Hearts

"Hi, what's your name? How's life treatin' you? What's that you say: minions from Hell gettin' ya down?" [his interview technique] Lonely Hearts

"Violence is not gonna solve a thing, all right? [Headbutts a guy] On the other hand, it's kinda festive." [stopping a fight?] Lonely Hearts

"Well that's more or less accurate." [computer skills from dowloading porn] Lonely Hearts

"I thought girls were supposed to like pretty stuff." [seeing Cordy's rough apartment] Lonely Hearts

"Defaulting? That's another popular rule in society, especially among the down-and-outs. Not that I've perpetrated said heinousness myself, but..." [explaining life to Cordy] In the Dark

"Let me just take a stab at this but... you'd be Oz?" [after Cordy's repeated use of his name] In the Dark

"I mean, just think of it man: pool-side tanning, bargain matinees. Plus there are several strip clubs I know of that have a fabulous luncheon buffet that's really quite tasty, it's... I've heard." [ideas for Angel's use of the Gem] In the Dark

"Why don't you put it on and, here, I'll stake ya! It'll be fun." [more ideas for the Gem] In the Dark

"You know what'd feel really good right now? One of those mind-numbin', head-crackin' visions that I get from time to time. Because that's really kill me." [hangover] In the Dark

"You got a real addiction to the brooding part of life. Did anyone ever tell you that?" [to Angel] In the Dark

"Not a thing I can see." [Cordy missing something?] I Fall to Pieces

"Personally, I don't think you need much in the way of clothes." [re: Cordy's need to shop] I Fall to Pieces

"Walkin' off into the dark, his long coat flowing behind him in a mysterious and attractive way." [re: Angel's exits] I Fall to Pieces

"This ain't single malt it's... poly malt." [re: the whiskey] I Fall to Pieces

"Maybe I'm a little attracted." [seeing Angel's exit] I Fall to Pieces

"I got the word jumble right here. Keep me occupied, sadly, for most of the day." [watching over Melissa] I Fall to Pieces

"I always meant to do that. But I intensely don't wanna, so I haven't gotten around to it. Yet." [re: bungee jumping] I Fall to Pieces

"Don't you worry. When Angel's finished with this case, I guarantee you'll be wantin' to jump off a bridge again." [to Melissa] I Fall to Pieces

"T least it was just his hands down there. I wish I hadn't even thought that." [re: Meltzer's disembodied hands in Melissa's bed] I Fall to Pieces

"That oughtta bring in the tourists." [re: Meltzer in 12 steel boxes buried in the subway's concrete] I Fall to Pieces

"I just can't perform on demand." [re: his visions] I Fall to Pieces

"It's like wrestlin' a tiger just to get to know 'er." [re: Cordy] Rm w/a Vu

"It's all about money. What about friendship and family, and all the t'ings that are priceless, like they say in that credit card commercial?" [convincing a demon not to demand money from him] Rm w/a Vu

"Oh. That's okay, I suppose." [finding Angel and Cor didn't sleep together, after he ranted about it] Rm w/a Vu

"Oh, well the t'ings you learn! I had no idea Angel was Queen of the Winter Ball." [seeing Cor's trophy on Angel's mantle] Rm w/a Vu

"Hey, you know what I smell in here? Potential." [re: a very grubby apartment] Rm w/a Vu

"No. Never." [re: Cordy, when asked if he'd ever seen anything more beautiful than her apartment] Rm w/a Vu

"Ah, must be why you find me so fascinatin'!" [Cordy likes things with one problem to fix] Rm w/a Vu

"Place looks great; you worry too much. Don't know what you had against that chair though." [seeing the poltergeist-afflicted furniture] Rm w/a Vu

"I'm just closin' this so our boss doesn't burst into flames. If t'at's all right wit' you?" [when Cor warns him not to touch her curtains] Rm w/a Vu

"Uh, Angel Investigation, we... hope you're helpless." [answering the phone] Rm w/a Vu

"I don't see addin' a dead-bolt havin' a huge affect on my lifestyle." [when Angel asks if he'll be okay as he's repairing his door] Rm w/a Vu

"She thinks you're insensitive and, not to bring up the irony but... consider the source!" [to Angel, re: Cor] Sense and Sensitivity

"He gets that a lot, you know." [re: Kate's observation that Angel has 'old soul' eyes] Sense and Sensitivity

"You know t'ey have trivia games on the internet now. You can challenge against drunks around the world!" [getting Angel motivated] The Bachelor Party

"The only money in my family is underneath the couch cusions." [talking about Cordy's wealth] The Bachelor Party

"Well how does she feel about men wit' an Irish accent?" [re: the Buffster] The Bachelor Party

"Everybody's got dinner plans but us." [learning about a vamp attack] The Bachelor Party

"Y'know when t'ings go wrong an' you're young like t'at, you don't just say 'Hey t'anks for the blender, I wish you well'." [re: his young marriage] The Bachelor Party

"He's workin' a spell on her. She's gonna sprout hubcaps from her head or somethin'." [re: Richard and Harry] The Bachelor Party

"Harry didn't leave because of the demon in me. She left because of me." [admitting the truth to Angel] The Bachelor Party

"Guys this is great, really, but I can't reach the pretzels." [caged in preparation for having his brains eaten] The Bachelor Party

"When they fight..." [seeing the state of Angel's office] I Will Remember You

"While I appreciate the compliment..." [re: the fact that he's 'perfect' by being ordinary] Hero

"I don't know what we need evil f'r when we got you right here." [to Cordelia] Hero

"I don't see Angel puttin' on tights... Oh, now I do an' it's really disturbin'!" [re: Cor's suggestion of a costume for Angel] Hero

"All right, one of us has been drinkin' an' I'm sad to say it isn't me." [disbelieving Angel's claims] Hero

"Well if it's a fight they want... can't someone else give it to them?" [re: their mission] Hero

"Yeah, we're all pretty good at basketball too." [re: the claim that all of his kind have good directional sense] Hero

"I guess we'll never know if t'is is a face you could learn to love." [showing Cor his demon face before his dies] Hero

"When the chips are down, an' you're at the end of your rope, you need someone t'at you can count on. And that's what you'll find here. Someone who'll go all the way, who'll protect you no matter what. So don't lose hope. Come on over to our offices an' you'll see t'at there's still heroes in t'is world. Is that it? Am I done?" [recording a retrospectively poignant commercial] Hero

"I think it only fair to warn you, any sudden movements and I'll be forced to... Great! You had a question?" [failing to make an impression] Parting Gifts

"Rogue demon hunter, yes." [making sure his proper title is used] Parting Gifts

"No? I rather thought it went considerably better than last time." [re: the kiss that 'didn't work'] Parting Gifts

"A lone wolf such as myself never works with anyone. I'm merely allowing Angel to assist me." [when asked if he's working with Angel] Parting Gifts

"No, it's these pants. They tend to chafe one's... legs." [re: his very tight trousers] Parting Gifts

"Yes, 'fish'. 'Fish will die.' No, not 'fish'... 'more'. More? He says, 'More will die'." [translating a demon's speech] Parting Gifts

"Yes, I'm an ugly gray blobby... what?" [misunderstanding Angel] Parting Gifts

"I think it's about to speak." [re: Cordy's interrogation of an empty chair] Somnambulist

"Yes... skinnies... precisely." [here to compare 'skinnies' with Angel Investigations] Somnambulist

"You'd be locked up faster than Lady Hamilton's virtue." [re: Angel sharing his knowledge of the murders with the cops] Somnambulist

"Nothing on the streets about a new vampire in town... Maybe because he's here and has me by the throat." [blundering into the situation] Somnambulist

"Sorry about the door." [after breaking into an elderly couple's house] Expecting

"Well, I guess we should... break open her door and trespass." [Angel interfering with his plan] Expecting

"Me? Doesn't Angel have to... get to try any?" [re: Cordelia's brownies] I've Got You Under My Skin

"That is not appropriate! It's for killing extinct demons!" [when Cor uses his knife to cut her brownies] I've Got You Under My Skin

"That blade is very old. Who knows what corrosive effect your cooking may have on it?" [when Cor uses his knife to cut her brownies] I've Got You Under My Skin

"I did identify eye of newt as one of the ingredients, though one suspects added strictly for taste rather than kick." [his analysis of the demon drug] The Prodigal

"I might be able to make one myself, if I could get my hands on one of those cuffs, which isn't going to be easy - unless you happened to procure one when I wasn't looking." [re: a key for one of the cuffs] The Ring

"And what are the odds he'd find it with an actress?" [re: Angel and true happiness, to Cordelia] Eternity

"You never will." [re: Faith hearing him scream] Five by Five

"Bitch. Not you, obviously." [to Cordy, re: Faith] Sanctuary

"Really? Because I rather got the impression they did when they sacked me." [learning the Council 'doesn't blame him' for Faith's treachery] Sanctuary

"Angel, it wasn't for her. [Angel: 'I know.'] It's because I trust you. Well, more than three gun-toting maniacs at any rate." [why he saved Faith] Sanctuary

"One hundred and eighty!" [throwing the syringe like a dart at Weatherby] Sanctuary

"That's for calling me a ponce." [punching Weatherby] Sanctuary

"I asked for a coffee. I know it must be in here someplace." [disappointed with the frothy substance he receives from the stand] War Zone

"There is a design, Angel, hidden in the chaos as it may be, but it's there. And you have your place in it." [reassuring his employer] Blind Date

"I prefer those cool bars that are hard to get into, but I can't get into them." [to Angel] Lonely Hearts

"Every now and then I'm in the mood for something different." [the cop badge is 'not (her) usual'] Lonely Hearts

"Well, see, the thing about detectives is they have resumés, business licenses, and last names." [doubing Angel's status as detective] Rm w/a Vu

"I don't want to get a reputation for getting you killed." [worrying about Angel] Sense and Sensitivity

"Will you marry me?" [guessing what Heath always wanted to say to his mom] Sense and Sensitivity

"Okay, the relief part's done." [learning about the contract on her life] Sense and Sensitivity

"I don't wanna come across as insensitive, but if either one of you try and stop me I'm gonna have to blow you the crap away!" [escaping Doyle and Cordy] Sense and Sensitivity "Well, I guess I can forget about reading him his rights." [seeing Angel kill the demon suspect] The Prodigal

"Angel's just not my type. Or I'm not his type. I mean, there's definitely a type involved, and it's the wrong one." [why she's not seeing Angel] The Prodigal

"And he doesn't mind working nights." [why Angel's good at his job] The Prodigal

"Oh, I already believe. That's the problem." [she wants to believe?] Sanctuary

"Um, our bodies are both eighty percent water?" [what she has in common with Lindsey] Sanctuary

"No, not the hair. Never the hair." [adding his own dialog to Angel's conversation] In the Dark

"No. Helpin' those in need's my job. And workin' up a load of sexual tension and prancin' away like a magnificent poof is thanks enough." [and again] In the Dark

"Cordelia. You look smashing! Did you lose weight?" [seeing Cor for the first time in ages] In the Dark

"Personally I prefer his older, funnier symphonies myself." [re: Mozart] In the Dark